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Driving me bat shit crazy.

03 Jun

My mood has been dipping a bit lately. I am simply frustrated. I know, I know, it will go better some time or another….

But the thing is, I’ve been fighting all of my life. Not that I want to make a big deal out of it or anything, I am simply tired of fighting. I just really, really want things to just be normal and quiet for a while. I want things to be less complicated. I want my head to shut up.

I can’t stop fighting now; and besides, if I were to ‘give in’ to this mood thing and stopped fighting now, it will be much much harder next week, or the week after, so instead, I’m carrying on.

‘Normal’ people have no clue how hard it is to just manage simple things, such as getting out of bed and dressed and everything ON TIME for your train if you have ADHD. Same thing goes for managing your money. Or how annoying it is to have anorexia in your head, bothering you when you’re innocently sitting on your couch trying to watch TV. (Top Gear, for fucks sakes, it’s not like Jeremy, Richard and James are really thinspiring…). My psychiatrist simply said that that’s what therapy is for. I’ve been in therapy for the greater part of the last 10 years, the best I’ve managed to get is ‘stable’, but no amount of cognitive shit makes these things dissapear.

So, I’m tired. And that’s all. I’m just tired of all of this, I’ll be perfectly fine, but right now I just need to get it out…

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2 Comments

Posted by on June 3, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , ,

2 responses to “Driving me bat shit crazy.

  1. Terry

    July 15, 2012 at 1:29 am

    Dear my darling Darling,

    The whole thing with mental illness is that from the outside looking in you can only be /understanding/ because you will never actually understand what the person is going through. It sounds like you are pretty functional but still having tough times, people see that functionality and assume that things can’t be as bad as you say. Theres no miracle cure and nothing I can say to make things better but look after yourself, a great quote from a movie i saw once “the only thing good to come out of that day was discovering i had the strength to get through it”.

    Best regards,

    “random man who found your blog by accident”

     

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