The problem with being ‘perfect’.

31 Dec

In this world a woman’s worth seems to be determined by her beauty, sadly. Too many women and girls fall prey to the illusion that if they have a VS model’s body, everything will be perfect. I myself have spent too much time on this pretty lie… without noticing what I do have.  I know opinions are torn about ‘normal’ catwalk models (who of course are all naturally almost emaciated…) but VS Angels are seen as ‘healthily’ gorgeous… and more of an ‘ideal’ for your everyday woman because, let’s face it, Candice Swanepoel and Alessandra Ambrosio have a lot more sex-appeal than most of the Eastern European beauties dominating Fashion Weeks.

I actually do somehow admire the Victoria’s Secret Angels, simply because how well they portray this image of perfection. They smile. And they don’t seem to come out of some Soviet model factory. (insert reference:’ve got American girls, South-African ‘bokkies’, Brazilian bombshells, an Aussie sheila, a Dutchwoman and an English Lady. And yes, I know we still miss an Indian princess and a Chinese girl for example, but my point is that they’re from all over. And those of which I know the countries well enough to judge: we’re talking rural-ish (as in, still have an actual town) South-Africa or Frisian (-what? Yes, my point exactly) beauties strutting right next to someone from LA.

So, in terms of attaining this perfection: They’re 5’9 – 5’10 tall, aged 25 -give or take a few… some are 31….  Their BMI’s end up around 18, roughly, give or take a point. (based on not so trustworthy internet search, but it sounds about plausible). They wear a UK size 6 in clothing… roughly a northern European 34, or southern european 36, US 2 I think. They have boobs. They have curves. Most will have an ‘hourglass’ figure… same shape as Marilyn Monroe but then a bit narrower.

Here’s the deal. You don’t get to ‘make’ your body perfect like that. Most girls with a BMI of 18 don’t have much boobs. Most girls who are 5’10 don’t wear a size XS clothing. Actually, the hourglass figure is pretty rare nowadays. And that’s OK.  Because beauty isn’t measured in your so called ‘vital statistics’, bra size or the like.  And beauty is pretty much an extra in terms of women’s worth. Besides, if we all looked like VS models, the world would be dull and who knows, your ‘imperfect’ body might become the new ideal.

BESIDES. So-called physical perfection doesn’t make you happier, or beautiful in fact. Nothing as ugly as emptiness in a person. And the so-called perfection actually has it’s drawbacks.

I am 5’10 and pretty much fit the ‘vital stats’ profile I mentioned above; especially if I exercise. Which I need to do, in order to keep myself sane.  I have a slight build, and my BMI of 18-and a bit isn’t as unhealthy as it would be on about 95% of women. I mean, yeah, I’m thin, but not unhealthily thin. I wear a 30E bra. I’ve seen uglier faces than mine, as long as you don’t look at me at 7AM after a night shift. My complexion is just a tad different than MOST, it’s almost like I can’t decide wether I’m a blonde or a brunette, and my eyes are dark blue.

Ok, all pretty much ‘ideal’ you’d say… but I’d actually like to have a chat with the VS models to see how they deal with the following minor annoyances.

-Do they have the same difficulty trying to find a bra? Oh, wait, they don’t, they work for VS and make a buttload of cash.

-Where do they shop jeans? Last time I tried on 20 pairs to find one that had a good fit. According to jeans making people skinny girls can’t be curvy, and skinny girls can’t be tall. And no, don’t refer me to Levi’s: while the salespeople were swooning (I think they do that with every customer, they’re professional swooners) I asked my brutally honest friend for the verdict: those butt pockets make you look like a model whose butt implants were placed in the wrong place.

– Honestly. Where do they shop?? I don’t have a massive budget for this. ‘Tall’ departments start at a size larger than mine. Clothing is made for average women. Average Woman with my clothing size apparently is 15cm shorter than I am and has no curves. That gorgeous LBD will have a bum-bubble sitting right above my bum. Some dresses end up being tops on me, and it’s pretty hard to find a dress with a decent enough length. Or a skirt for that matter. You know, a suitable-for-work length. And trust me, if I do decide to wear something short people DO stare… do shorter girls have that problem?

-I’m a bra sales lady’s worst nightmare. Mostly because I think bra manufacturers don’t grasp the concept of small and curvy. Look, they’re big enough to need support, but the same model as a 36G is a bit over the top. They don’t need to be strapped down! Also, I’m curvy enough, thanks, I’ll skip on the super push up. Well, nevermind, actually, almost nobody sells 28F’s or 30E’s.

– Bikinis? Help? Ok, I know, I’m very high maintanance when it comes to bikinis. I need them to fit and to stay put. Impossible. (But, maybe, one day they’ll start selling VS over here???? American friends keep telling me to shop VS.

– Rings and bracelets…. I’ve started making them myself because of my child-sized wrists and fingers

– Occasionally I run into someone who can’t imagine anything can be less than perfect in my life because I’m thin. Eh, I have a frazzled brain. ADHD, dyspraxia, sensory whadyacallit, depression, an eating disorder I can’t recover from but I am so proud that I’m stable at a fair enough weight health-wise, several traumatic experiences and a lot of other stuff resulting from that frazzled brain. Thin doesn’t solve anything, really, apart from in my case literally feeling uncomfortable in my own skin at a weight which would solve all of the minor problems mentioned above, because it would be NORMAL. I have a sort of sensory hypersensitivity: can’t stand ill-fitting clothes, can’t stand it when my hair is uncomfortable, never got used to wearing glasses as a child, and I feel really uncomfortable when my body gets past a certain point size-wise, or fat-muscle ratio-wise… or I don’t really know. I think it’s the latter, I actually was fairly OK at a higher weight with more muscle than I have time to maintain right now. And I don’t get used to it. Right now I feel like I need more excercise, if I want to keep myself stable.

– Which makes the incessant stream of comments on my weight touchy. Seriously. Somehow it’s OK to discuss my body? I don’t witness people of more standard proportions go through that as often. I’m jealous of them. Either worrisome questions about my health status, or skinny jokes, or ‘I want your body’. (If yours is comfortable, I’d gladly swap, no matter the size). I’ve decided to joke along, get a laugh out of it. The best skinny joke actually came from one of the docs who worked at a hospital where I did clinicals. He was skinny as well, and we were standing in a very slow lift. ‘Hey, we can just jump through the crack between lift and floor, we’d be downstairs faster, I’m sure we’ll fit’.


Anyway. I’m tired of complaining, I think this post may sort of miss the bite I intended but oh well.


Posted by on December 31, 2012 in Rant, society, TallSkinnyCurvy


Tags: , , , ,

6 responses to “The problem with being ‘perfect’.

  1. rika9

    December 31, 2012 at 9:14 am

    I’m a similar build and also find it amazing how steadfastly some people believe that because of that, life must lie down and kiss my feet as I walk… in actuality, I grew up as “the ugly sister” so I’ve been on both sides of being perceived as beautiful/being perceived as not beautiful. Honestly, suddenly growing into your looks doesn’t automatically improve life as much as you think it should. Its not awful, but its not magic.

    I’m also a 32D (in US size, I can’t remember if UK is the same or not), and Calvin Klein bras have changed my life. The other great thing about them is that I always find 32Ds on sale for 5-10$ at TJ Maxx and Marshalls because the size is so rare. I don’t think you have those stores in the UK, but even if you have to order online, if you find the right bra its worth paying for. I think their cups sizes run a touch small though, sometimes I need a 32DD, and I’m not insanely busty.

    I do sometimes like the Levi’s Curve ID, but a lot of their styles look hideous to me. There’s a brand called Kut from the Kloth that I’ve had good luck with, but they are pricey.. you can sometimes find them on ebay though.

    Seriously.. I’d like to find a forum or something where thin hourglass girls trade recommendations on brands and such!

    • busydarling

      January 1, 2013 at 12:00 pm

      Yes, a forum would be great!!
      I actually live in Holland at the moment, but I’m originally South-African. Sometimes even Brits take me for English though. I’ve spent some time in the UK though, and the whole bra issue has been better there from the first time I went there…. at that point it was nearly impossible to find a 32 in Holland, let alone a 32D. Seriously, the UK was heaven when it came to bra shopping!! I even found a fab strapless bra that actually worked through an entire night out.
      UK is HELL when it comes to tall girl shopping though!!
      Over here I used to have the best of luck with Zara jeans, they were cheap and most girls had to have them shortened… also Zara jeans are catered for tiny Spanish bums. Anyway, Zara figured out that the long jeans didn’t make sense for your average shopper and now they’re so short I can show off my ankles.
      Given that ‘Kut’ means ‘pussy’ -not the actual cat- here I doubt they’ll have much selling success over here!
      Don’t know if they sell ONLY or VERO MODA there, sometimes I get lucky there but I don’t really like the fit of the jeans. I’ve also discovered that IF ‘grown up’ shops stock small sizes, for some reason they tend to be longer. The shops that DO stock them don’t have all their styles in small sizes, but about two weeks ago I got lucky with a blue lace dress at such a shop; their skirt lengths are longer which means I get to wear a decent short dress.

      Anyway. It may be hard to find stuff, but once we do it tends to look amazing.

      And I ordered a Freya bikini and lingerie set. I know Freya fits well; but their 30D fits me better than the 32C-D. Can’t wait for it to come!! The blue fever bandeau top with the small bottoms. I love that Freya always sells something for every type of curvy figure: they’ve got tiny bottoms for tiny bottoms and in the same range bottoms with more coverage that would make larger curves look lush.

      PS: a friend of mine who moved to the UK from the US says cup sizes tend be a bit different, a C in the US may be a D in the UK. IF you actually wear a DD, it may be called an E here, depending on your store.

      BUT come to think about it, I saw Calvin Klein bras at a luxury department store but they didn’t stock a 32.

      • rika9

        January 1, 2013 at 8:10 pm

        Ah, sorry for assuming the wrong nationality!

        That is hilarious about Kut.. I never liked that brand name much although I like the product.. now I guess I have another reason to dislike it. I’ve never had good luck with the Zara jeans here, but most of the Euro companies make totally different lines for the US, and I suspect that Zara does. I don’t know if we have Only or Vero Moda, I don’t think so, but I bet I can find it online.

        I have the same issue with Calvin Klein at department stores here.. I know they make 32s, but not all stores stock them. Its fairly common in Dallas to find the 32s in larger cup sizes.. I think because small people with implants aren’t rare here, heh.

        I used to like Victorias Secret for jeans, because you could get almost everything in a 34 inch inseam, but I haven’t ordered them for a few years.. and my ass wasn’t as big last time I ordered so I don’t know how the fit accomodates the thin but curvey shape.

        I have the same issue with short skirts.. even if I wear one that clearly is not indecent, people react to it as if I’m wearing something horribly provocative. I try not to be concerned with it anymore, unless I’m going somewhere where I need to be professional, ect.

  2. fish

    January 1, 2013 at 7:11 am

    thats a great rant! i could never do that, stream of consciousness thing. my attention span is crap and you probably think yours is too but you can type out an impressively long rant on a topic before moving on. possibly you could try to tie a bunch of rants on similar topics together to make an awesome whole? sorry if that sounds critical, just trying to help. anyways happy new year 🙂

    • busydarling

      January 1, 2013 at 11:37 am

      Happy New Year to you too!!!
      I use meds, but sometimes I can hyperfocus too. Usually on the most irrelevant stuff.
      It’s actually pretty amazing. Since I started meds, I’ve been able to focus on things a lot better!


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