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Monthly Archives: March 2013

Why I am always late…

One of my ADHD annoyances. I’m almost always late, and no matter how hard I try… I’m late again. And I get frustrated. People judge… take it personally, think you’re just not interested, don’t care… look down on you for it… get annoyed. Some are even offended.

Nobody sees how angry I get at myself when I lost the battle again. Nobody sees just how hard I try… Usually I’m close to tears when it doesn’t work. And usually, I don’t have any REAL reason. Occasionally public transport actually IS the reason.. those are the days when I manage to actually get to the train/tram/bus on time. The response: ‘You should have known this could happen and leave earlier’. Living in a culture that believes in Own Responsibility And Perfect Control Of Your Life hardly helps.

clock

I don’t ‘get’ time. It just flies. Or melts away, and I have no idea where it went. I get caught up in something, then realise I had to be getting on with it a while ago.

I think I can do everything incredibly fast, which is not the case. And I over estimate how long time is. Can’t get it through my head that I DON’T have time. For example: this afternoon I was doing the dishes and filling out some questionnaires for money more or less at the same time (there’s some logic to this, leaving the dishes in almost-burning hot water for a few minutes actually reduces the actual time I spend doing it); knowing that I had to be getting ready at 15:15, leaving for work at 15:30. I had time, and I have no idea how that mind lapse that had me thinking that at 15:10 happened, but suddenly it was 15:21 and some dishes were still in the sink… end result: leaving for work at 15:45 and arriving 7 minutes late.

Mornings are bad as well; since I am slow to wake up. I am even slower to wake up when I’ve had a short night or poor quality sleep. Since it takes time to imply a succesful ritual, chaos tends to strike. (Memo to self, I NEED to pay more attention to those things, I NEED to be doing the ‘what about tomorrow’ ritual!)… most mornings I tend to only be fully awake once I’m almost at work. Taking my meds first thing does help a bit, but sometimes that would mean the medication planning being off, leaving me with a problem at the end of the day. Also something I need to get done before bed, actually, but not always easy if you work till midnight.

Perhaps, in general, I should be more ‘planned?’ I don’t always WANT to be. I want to be free to do whatever most of the time, but that’s not how life works.

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Posted by on March 23, 2013 in ADHD

 

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Spring?

cold flowers

Ok, so maybe there’s no actual snow her (yet?)…. but I’m a bit anxious for it to get, say, above 10 degrees celcius. I mean, it’s March… and I’ve been holding out in this horrible cold for too long.

Shame, poor flowers. The first ones are out… as if they’ve looked on their calendars, realised that it’s almost April and they should have been out a month ago. But then they came out and it’s freezing cold and now they can’t go back. Temperatures are ranging between -4 and 4 degrees. Where I come from thats just plain fucking cold.

Maybe things work different if you’ve actually been born in a cold climate, but I was not. The cold sucks out my energy, makes my mood drop and makes me a bit lethargic to be honest. I feel physically stressed all winter long. I wanted to go to the gym, but I didn’t, because I didn’t want to face the cold.

I’ve shopped for some warm things for summer, and that’s pretty depressing but it would be more depressing if I did that when it was actually supposed to be summer. I miss summer. I really do. I don’t count anything under 20 degrees actual summer, but 20 is warm here. Also, given the TallSkinnyCurvy problem I can’t wait for sales. Sales are something I have to get really really lucky at. I got a cream coloured losely knitted jersey from C&A *budget*, approved by a random husband. And I got lucky at the New Look with a denim jacket which fit perfectly around the shoulders (but sleeves are short…). The short sleeves doesn’t bother me in this case, as it looks silly with the sleeves down anyway. And I got an army green maxi skirt, and the H&M poster maxi dress. I can wear pantyhose under my maxi stuff… And maxi looks great on tall and skinny frames. Now don’t laugh if I trip over my own hemn please.

I just really hope it warms up soon. I’m not asking for much… just over 10 degrees, please? Weather forecast doesn’t give me much hope.
Just so I can put away my winter coats and not freeze. Just so I can go outside without gloves. Just so my body can relax a bit. Please?

*Looks on New Look site*… Oh..THAT is why I couldn’t get the skirt in a size smaller than UK 10…it’s part of the TALL range. Oh well, I tried it on and it stayed on my hips, there’s not much else to fit to a flowy maxi skirt… but maybe here’s another idea for tall skinny clothes…

 
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Posted by on March 23, 2013 in ADHD, Health, Random, TallSkinnyCurvy

 

And… back!

And I’m back from my short holiday on Gran Canaria. It was great, had a fabulous time with my boyfriend.

Haven’t loaded my pics yet, so no pictures today!

We did discover a few interesting things:
– South-Africa beats Spain when it comes to knowing how to not get sunburnt on the first day and end up with a bottle of SPF 20 in your vicinity at all times. Despite having olive skin and thinking one can’t burn.
– Southern Spanish forget to pronounce the last few letters sometimes. Saleslady ‘Buendia’ Him (=native Spanish speaker, northern Spain): ‘What is she saying?’ Me: ‘I think she’s trying to say ‘hello’?’ Lady walks past again ‘Allo!’
– Gran Canaria is a lot more than a cheap holiday spot for working class heroes from the UK, Scandinavia, Germany and Holland. We drove across the island, it was quite lovely! I’d actually suggest skipping Playa del Ingles and staying in Las Palmas!
– And on an island in the Atlantic you can shop at the Zara, H&M, Marks&Spencers….
– Spanish girls have small narrow feet. According to the shoe salesman, who advised me to size up if I live in Holland. Except that I have small narrow feet as well…
– Taking your Spanish boyfriend to the shop with you suddenly lowers the price…
– While the island may be warm and fairly sunny year-round, the same does not apply to the Atlantic ocean.
– Vulcanic sand sticks very well to your skin, ESPECIALLY if you’ve applied sunscreen, made that discovery about the Atlantic first-hand and prefer oil over cream on your skin.
– Cacti and pine trees can grow right next to each other.

Now, if you don’t mind, I’m about to go ruin my hair trying to dye it back to it’s natural colour myself, since ‘iced cacao’ is nearly black.

 
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Posted by on March 12, 2013 in Dear Diary

 

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If you miss me

… don’t come looking for me, I’ll be in the sun….

 
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Posted by on March 5, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

All in a day’s work

All in a day’s work

I work in crisis intervention. It’s sometimes a brilliant job, sometimes I hate it, sometimes I’m bored out of my mind and sometimes I’m flooded with work. The same applies to my colleagues. Sometimes it’s exciting, sometimes it’s annoying… and it’s really rarely boring.

The boring bit would be Thursday morning teachings. Boring may not be the best word choice, but sitting still and listening to a lecture never was my strongest point. Sometimes it’s interesting, sometimes I feel like I’m sitting in a med school rerun.

One thing: it’s never ordinary. It’s extreme.

Just to give an idea: the following happened during one shift
– Talk to general practitioner about patient
– Visit Grumpy Old Man who can’t take care of himself; discuss case with psychiatrist
– Try to admit Grumpy Old Man in filthy house against his will
– Ask police assistance to get Grumpy Old Man out of his house and in the ambulance. He wasn’t very keen.
– Discover pets in house, sort out with police, ambulance and animal shelter what has to be done.
– Discover that academic training didn’t do much for my understanding of bird water devices. Much to the amusement of ambulance personnel, police and our nurse.
– Visit depressed young mum at home in the suburbs. Situation safe.
– Have dinner while doing admin and receiving phone calls.
– See manic patient in separation ward to determine whether he needs to be held against his will. He’s fine with staying where he till morning according to plan.
– Conclude that stealing the mascotte of a bank probably wasn’t the best idea in the world.
– Conclude that I know more French than I thought I did.
– Assist police in a mental health job

 
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Posted by on March 2, 2013 in ADHD, Work

 

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And a very good morning to you all too…

And a very good morning to you all too…

mornings

Especially not if they started at 7:15 with the joyful sound of someone hammering on something that sounds very much like the central heating system… you know… those undefined metal pipes that run underneath my bed to the opposite wall and is connected with the heating systems in all appartments? Followed by drilling, hammering the wall and something that sounds like an industrial vacuum cleaner crossed with a sanding machine?

Especially not if they started after a rather short nights sleep because I set the alarm for 9AM because I’m working late ish?

Especially not if it only stopped at 10:30 AM….

7:15: wake up thinking this is odd, then thinking someone trying to hammer a nail into the concrete wall is pretty stupid… then trying to drift off to sleep again but this did not work too well.

7:20: walk around in house trying to figure out where the noise came from… can’t, it seems to be coming from everywhere. Grumble.

7:25: put jacket on over pyjamas, walk out trying to figure out where the noise comes from. Turns out to be from the empty flat across the hall. Knock on door. This is useless, as it can’t be heard over the racket. Walk up a flight to determine if they weren’t working elsewhere.

7:30 bang on door, shout ‘Cut it out with the noise!’. Neighbours would be awake anyway. Hear muffled voices. Door opens, greeted by short stout construction guy: ‘You knew about this!’ Explain that I didn’t, and that I have to work late this evening so I kind of would appreciate some sleep. ‘Oh, well, you were SUPPOSED to be informed, we’re removing asbestos and it has to be finished by 10AM… terribly sorry but there’s nothing I can do! Normally neighbours ARE informed! We started an hour later, we were here at 6:15.’ What-the ?????????????
Try to figure out if I have the janitors contact info. I do not.

7:40 play with phone in bed… there is only so much joy to be had with Candy Crush so I decide to play in Pinterest instead, waiting for the noise to subdue so I can nap before hitting the gym. Spend half an hour laughing… till my abs are sore.

9:30 realise that I’m going to be feeling underslept all day, have sweets and a ‘stroopwafel’ for breakfast because fixing something seemed too complicated in my still half awake state. Funny how I need 3 hours to wake up after sleeping too little!

10:00 cook dinner for tonight, trying to figure out my medication schedule as well, taking concerta at 10:30-ish and curling up to play games on laptop

11:10 decide to skip gym and go tomorrow instead. Play on wordpress. Try to figure out something about an arts project, realise that I made a tiny mistake

12:05 realise that I need to do my nails today if I want to go to the gym tomorrow… and that I had all morning for that! Now have to shower and get ready and so forth…

 
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Posted by on March 1, 2013 in ADHD, Dear Diary, Rant