One of my ADHD annoyances. I’m almost always late, and no matter how hard I try… I’m late again. And I get frustrated. People judge… take it personally, think you’re just not interested, don’t care… look down on you for it… get annoyed. Some are even offended.
Nobody sees how angry I get at myself when I lost the battle again. Nobody sees just how hard I try… Usually I’m close to tears when it doesn’t work. And usually, I don’t have any REAL reason. Occasionally public transport actually IS the reason.. those are the days when I manage to actually get to the train/tram/bus on time. The response: ‘You should have known this could happen and leave earlier’. Living in a culture that believes in Own Responsibility And Perfect Control Of Your Life hardly helps.
I don’t ‘get’ time. It just flies. Or melts away, and I have no idea where it went. I get caught up in something, then realise I had to be getting on with it a while ago.
I think I can do everything incredibly fast, which is not the case. And I over estimate how long time is. Can’t get it through my head that I DON’T have time. For example: this afternoon I was doing the dishes and filling out some questionnaires for money more or less at the same time (there’s some logic to this, leaving the dishes in almost-burning hot water for a few minutes actually reduces the actual time I spend doing it); knowing that I had to be getting ready at 15:15, leaving for work at 15:30. I had time, and I have no idea how that mind lapse that had me thinking that at 15:10 happened, but suddenly it was 15:21 and some dishes were still in the sink… end result: leaving for work at 15:45 and arriving 7 minutes late.
Mornings are bad as well; since I am slow to wake up. I am even slower to wake up when I’ve had a short night or poor quality sleep. Since it takes time to imply a succesful ritual, chaos tends to strike. (Memo to self, I NEED to pay more attention to those things, I NEED to be doing the ‘what about tomorrow’ ritual!)… most mornings I tend to only be fully awake once I’m almost at work. Taking my meds first thing does help a bit, but sometimes that would mean the medication planning being off, leaving me with a problem at the end of the day. Also something I need to get done before bed, actually, but not always easy if you work till midnight.
Perhaps, in general, I should be more ‘planned?’ I don’t always WANT to be. I want to be free to do whatever most of the time, but that’s not how life works.