The cycles go quicker than they used to; I suppose it’s because I’ve become more resilient? This weekend was spent in Rebellion. I just did not do anything considered ‘useful’. No cleaning. No tidying up. Hardly any healthy eating, although I did go to an eco supermarket to find new healthy stuff to try out because that’s exciting. Shopping, but not really excessive. Jeans, which I do need actually, but I’ve been postponing getting them. (Because Levi’s are expensive, but the curve thing. I love them.) Ordered bikini tops, also something I need or foresee needing. One will be sent back, ordered 2 sizes. Sports bras, also very neccesary. (I have 4 old ones, I work out several times a week. 2 of the old ones still fit but have lost their support after 4 years and are now being promoted to lounge/yoga bras. 2 others theoretically still have some support left but don’t fit anymore, the idea is that the boobs go IN the bra, not around it). Bikini bottoms; I’ve ordered a black top in my actual size but because those things are expensive AND boring black I decided to get cheap but funky bottoms. Gift for a baby, a t-shirt, a bracelet and a pair of earrings. And now I’m done. Time to get ‘back on track’. I don’t feel too guilty over the shopping; it has been limited, my vacation will be cheap and the rest of my vacation money will be going to a better financial position. I can’t be good all the time; managing money really is the same thing as managing your diet. Except that I get to enjoy the earrings a lot longer than a piece of chocolate.
And apparently retail therapy works. Also, spending the day with a great girl works. I do feel better. The weather is better. Now I have to pick up the pieces, get on with life and hope I get a while before the next blow. That’s the downside of ADHD: this cycle. So, run, cook, clean up. Go to work; try to accept that only other people get to ‘be themselves’. Just another bit of hypocrisy in this world; just another illusion. And I shall continue to dream; if nothing else it’s a lot better than sitting at the dark side of the moon all the time, wishing that people weren’t so stupid.