It happens quite often that I find myself wishing I was someone else.
Someone who doesn’t have to deal with failure on a daily basis.
Someone who has their shit together.
Someone who doesn’t have to spend a lifetime fighting battles others will never understand, only to wonder if it was worth it, because the only reward is the lack of something worse.
Someone who is able to reach their full potential, rather than fail to meet expectations they never asked for.
Someone who has a friggin normal cup size.
Someone whose reputation of being weird doesn’t reach people they’ve never met.
Someone who manages to be on time without drastic effort.
I just can’t get it right and I can’t bear the thought of another 60 years of failure. I don’t know how I can do things differently anymore. I feel like I’ve tried anything and everything. All I wanted was to fit into the ordinary world. That’s too much to ask, apparently.
So I don’t know. I really don’t know. I wish I could go far far away to someplace warm and friendly and sunny and where I don’t have to constantly fight to be someone I am not just to avoid my life being hell.
There is no such place. So please, anyone, how do I make it better?
And how do manage to get to work on time tomorrow??!