Nine-hundred seventy-four to one and falling….
Ok, I admit, I’m a bit of a Sci-Fi geek. Sometimes. (And yes, I’ve seen Star Trek in Imax already). Sometimes my ADHD -or maybe just me- is just a bunch of improbable crap going on. Infinite improbability drive, leading to what-the-hell situations… kind of like the Heart of Gold (Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy, I’m currently reading the trilogy of five) and it’s improbable situations. Minus the actual science fiction that is. Perhaps I should start carrying around a ‘book’ with DON’T PANIC on it?
Quite often this improbability drive leads to chaotic situations and my carefully planned schedule going kaboom… and considering the mental effort that schedule required in the first place I sometimes wonder why I even bother. Considering that chaos management takes a few minutes, and contrary to the Heart of Gold I can’t time-travel these unlikely (small) events may lead to me running late. Again. And I can’t really explain myself either, because nobody really believes this shit happens to me that often. That’s probably the most improbable of all: the frequency. The less I need chaos, the more it will present itself. Regardless, I never have a week without several of these minor what-the-hell moments. Some days they’re just piling up. I think yesterday was rather uneventful, oh, no, wait… the night wasn’t.
A few examples of actual situations:
– Arriving on the train platform at 18 minutes past, only to see that the train due at 19 past is already pulling out of the station. Stare at the clock for almost a full minute to see it clicking to 19 past… These Dutch trains NEVER leave early, right? (And of course, the fact that I am now 20 minutes late is only met with ‘you should have been there earlier’. I was…I just didn’t consider that the 19 past train would leave at 17 past, if I did, I wouldn’t have stopped to grab a drink)
– I wore a blue coat for 5 years without a problem. I wore a green coat for 4 years without a problem. This year, I got a beige parka. I decided, given prior experience, that I would risk it. After trying on around 20 coats which didn’t fit (tallgirlproblem) this was also the only one that did. Less than a month’s wear later it has already been washed twice and been to the dry cleaners. First I got rubber marks on it, both from my handbag’s strap which apparently has rubbery finishes that decided to start to let go just as I started to wear my beige coat… and from failing to notice that the microwave I picked up has rubber ‘feet’.
– Then I managed to walk underneath a flying bird just as it was pooping. Of course, it didn’t land on my hair. That would be too easy to clean. It landed on my beige coat…
– My bedroom turns out to have heating tubes running underneath it. The building turns out to not have silent heating… this I didn’t notice nor thought of when I signed for the place in the middle of summer. The noise produced isn’t very loud, but it’s a high-pitched sound. I’m 27 and have good hearing, and it keeps me awake when the heating goes on… preferably very late at night when I do neet my sleep. I’ll need a dog to explain this to the janitor or the land lord. Dogs don’t talk.
– Guess what? The heating went on at 00:30 tonight and the night before. Why? Well, apparently the outside temperature at night can very well be 9 degrees celcius in the summer in Holland.
– Having 10 minutes to quickly grab a meal, I checked the queue at the store. There was none. I spent less than 3 mins grabbing a pre cooked meal at the organic shop, and turned around to see a queue. Worse still, when they opened a second till I was second in line, behind the elderly gent who needed 10 mins to figure out how to work the debit card machine… And two fat, obnoxious Americans who blocked my way and moved slowly to the other till to pay before me.
I rest my case.