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Time for tea

12 Jun

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Home made rooibos chai, anyone?

I’m trying to think of my future over a cup of tea. I just don’t know what I want… All I know is I want a life worth living. A story to tell.

Doubting my career choice is nothing new for me anymore… I concluded that it wasn’t worth it three months into my career. When I say it wasn’t worth it, I mean that being a doctor isn’t worth the battle I had fought to become one. It wasn’t just about med school, it was about having the odds against me. It’s about life, not just the stupid diploma.

Now I’m here, I’ve fought and learned and I graduated. And I feel as if I’m trapped in someone else’s pumps -a size too small. I can’t be who I am -and I could not know this in advance because I didn’t know who I was when I was 17 and decided to apply. I have to constantly play a role. There was no room for me to be me as a child, and as an adult apparently nothing much has changed. The thing is, I don’t know what else to do. I do love part of what I do, it’s just that the price is too high.

But now I’m going to sleep, I have another work day to survive tomorrow. I just hope I don’t make a fool out of myself again. And I hope that I can win the battle against the clock for once, I’m already panicking about it.

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Posted by on June 12, 2013 in ADHD, Dear Diary, Work

 

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