Or, the story of how my iPhone ended up like this:
One of the problems of living with ADHD is the intensity of emotions. Great fun in a relationship!!!
Under normal circumstances I am pretty fiesty, impulsive and capable of doing things I regret later on. Though, I’ve come a long way since being a frustrated, overly explosive young girl. It’s been years since I caused actual damage during rage. I’ve learned to walk away, to run it out, to cool down, to punch a pillow or throw against a wall. Arguments remain verbal, and I may still say some things I will regret later on.
Lately I’ve been struggling with the asthma, I’ve been limited in my ability to function and for obvious reasons I can’t ‘run it out’. My frustration level is on average higher, because I can’t do the things I need to help myself remain calm and relaxed… and the limitations also lead to other frustrating factors. (Public transport anyone??) So, it’s harder for me. It’s harder for me to manage my ADHD anyway when I’m also dealing with physical limitations always. Add to that that I’ve been taking Montelukast, side effects apparently include agitation, irritability, depressive symptoms and an increase in agression in SOME cases. I suspect it did in my case.
TDH and I have had two fights in three days, really with no apparent cause. Small things. A not-so-funny joke. Miscommunication. And true, there are always two people involved in a fight, but my heightened agitation and irritation doesn’t help in handling things smoothly. The first time I had trouble deciding wether I should sleep on the sofa or walk home in the middle of the night.
The second time we were arguing over Whatsapp. I snapped and flung my iPhone on the floor. I heard glass shattering. And then I was mad at myself. (and I phoned him, on my landline, screaming because he went on and on and I needed to know wether he was coming here or not.) To be honest, he expected a subtle crack in the screen or something and was very irritated himself, so he WOULD go on and on and on. I was rather startled at the level of ‘shattered’ my iPhone had reached: I couldn’t find pictures of iphones in worse states!. I am not very proud of myself.
Luckily the iPhone situation was easily sorted out, and I’ve stopped taking the Montelukast just to be sure (and am feeling less agitated). Now I remember why I use pillows and walls: despite my thin physique I’m capable of causing serious damage when I’m mad. And I’m glad that I’ve managed to learn to control it to some level.