Slightly panicking

10 Dec

Ok, so I’m trying to get my Concerta covered as 

well basically

after YEARS in mental health care, I can positively say this is the ONLY thing that actually made a difference. 

Talking was talking, and essentially forcing me out of my shell OR ELSE THEY WON’T HELP ME at some point was a very harsh and unnecessary way to teach me to actually talk. (Ironically, I had always mentioned that this was very hard for me, but nobody actually cared to help me learn to talk…). Once I learned to talk, I learned that I’d been wasting my time. 

Eating disorder treatment was also more or less useless as ADHD was the underlying cause… and basically over here they can’t help you recover from your eating disorder if you’re unable to embrace the Dutch way of eating. (Bread and milk, basically. I’m lactose intolerant and I hate bread, always have… both of these had nothing to do with said eating disorder…). (First round I actually ‘passed’ treatment by lying, for my parents’ sake. I was 17. I was actually doing better, but not because of treatment)

Ok, I did get proper treatment for my depression the first time round. Unfortunately, I’ve had too many side effects on all 3 antidepressants I tried. I am now terrified of starting a new one. Every time a therapist really ‘got’ me, something happened and I was forced to switch therapists, to somebody who doesn’t get me. 

And then I was 25, and decided I wanted to be tested for ADHD because I sort of already knew I had it. (I mean, I had a ‘wiggle ball’ instead of a chair at uni!). At first I thought I’d be OK with some training. 

They insisted I try meds. 

A year and a bit on, and Concerta turns out to be the most enabling thing the entire mental health service (10 year anniversary this year!) gave me. And I’m sure Concerta alone is a lot cheaper than those 10 years worth of (mostly preventable!) mental health care. 

Without any real side effects, mind you. My blood pressure normalised by now, and my heart rate is just a bit faster than it would otherwise be. 


And then I turned out to live in Holland, and because I need it, I am not eligible to get it covered. And I won’t be able to afford it once I start training. (You know, to help Dutch people better…). 


And I am panicking. I just got turned down by an insurance. And scenarios in my head aren’t funny any more. 



So much for living in a first world country with ‘available health care’. I feel like I should move back to the third world country I came from, better health care there. 


I don’t know how I’m going to do this training without Concerta. I doubt I’m going to cope on Ritalin, as a chance of rebound every 3.5h really can be dangerous if you’re a doctor working with patients. And I’m terrified I might burn myself out again if I’m off meds. 


Posted by on December 10, 2013 in Uncategorized


Tags: , ,

3 responses to “Slightly panicking

  1. CriminalMassWorder

    December 10, 2013 at 5:53 am

    Ritalin made me stare at walls for hours for fun.

    • busydarling

      December 10, 2013 at 1:08 pm

      Yup. It slows me down too. Walls aren’t really what I need to be looking at.

  2. busydarling

    December 10, 2013 at 7:42 am

    Not a hobby I have time for!


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