ADHD and, well, ME

22 Dec

As the train I am sitting in doesn’t seem to be getting anywhere (what did I expect! I only left on time for everything!) I might as well use the time for some blogging.

This weekend was ‘Festivities’ weekend, something between ‘Sinterklaas’ and Christmas, with TDH’s family. I had a great time and am still buzzing from positive interaction.

I’m extroverted.

A while ago I was thinking about it. There is this whole misconception about ADHD folks being a certain way. Either bouncy or dreamy, and sometimes EVERYTHING gets attributed to ADHD. But.

There is still me. ADHD interacts with different personalities differently. And that’s interesting. And it also means you can never over generalise and say something in the line of ‘ADHD = unhappiness, anxiety or whatever’. Also, what works for one won’t work for another.

I have ADHD and I have no clue what real anxiety feels like. For example. Yet, I know ADHD folks who have bad anxiety issues.

My downfall is burning myself out from time to time. ADHD and extroversion combined has its own challenges. And benefits.

Untreated ADHD left me lonely, while I needed company. I was too much for some people, and with no brake I was either exhausted or a bulldozer. Listening was hard sometimes. I always was easy in getting connected and lousy with staying that way. Of course, it wasn’t JUST ADHD. When I said I have no idea what anxiety feels like, I didn’t say that I knew no relevant feelings. I know the stress of being in an environment where you can get hurt at any given moment all too well.

I ‘need’ people around me, I can become depressed due to lack of meaningful connection. That’s not the same as ‘neediness’, like people with some type of personality disorders may display, for example. I can bear being alone for a while. I can cope by myself. Actually, I am a pretty independent person. Still, I don’t thrive when being solo.

When channeled a bit, I’m the type of person who can generate energy in a social setting. The ‘when you’re smiling, the whole world smiles with you’ type. Unfortunately, the reverse is also true, my bad mood can influence others too. I’ve learned to focus on positive interaction.

I’m not dependent of others to heal my hurt. But, being an extrovert, I want to share. But, I enjoy sharing joy more than I need to share my hurt. Still, I feel those who are close to me should be there for me when I need an ear and an arm, because that DOES help me heal faster.

ADHD makes everything more intense. I can be exhausting. I can be too much. I can come across as self centered, while really I am just being intense. I can say really stupid things. Or talk too much.

And I need to learn to be more aware of when I am overwhelming, and allow others bask in the sun.

Because here is one secret always neglected in the extrovert-introvert discussion (mostly written by introverts on the internet, It Is OK To Be An Introvert): we’re NOT energy vampires. We’re generators, and want EVERYONE to have a good time. Well, I do, at least. And I only bounce harder to try to get you to bounce with me and it makes me happy to see others happy.

And my H allows for extra bounce. And for extra problems.

ADHD is part of who I am, not all of who I am.

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Posted by on December 22, 2013 in Uncategorized


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