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We fight, we make up….

07 Sep

Show me a couple who never fights…. 

There’s a thing called ‘healthy’ fighting I believe. Arguing is a better word, because physical violence is never OK. It’s all part of simply being two different people in one relationship. You live, you learn, you fight, you make up…. you learn. 

We both have a dash of temperament. (I don’t think we’ll have the most mellow of kids. If that were the case I’d request a DNA test!)

We always sort it out though. I’d love to have a rule ‘do not go to bed angry’ but TDH needs more mood-processing time than I do. 

Nope, it’s not true that men are always the ones to get over it sooner. I know the stereotype says she is mad at him for days for something he didn’t really ‘get’… with us it’s the other way round. 

Sometimes we annoy each other, sometimes we push each other over their limits, sometimes we don’t talk when we should (mainly TDH), sometimes we talk when we shouldn’t (mainly BD)… I’ve smashed my phone (ok, accidentally, I missed the sofa when throwing it on the sofa) when we fought over Whatsapp. He’s been angry at me for three days (and I really can’t remember what it was about). I’ve tried leaving at 2:30 AM, he had to stop me. He’s threatened to leave me behind at the train station. I’ve hung op the phone on him. He’s refused to accept the eco foods crate I ordered for him. (Because of something to do with wallpaper). 

But we always make up. Sometimes I’m the one saying sorry, sometimes it’s him, sometimes it’s both, sometimes we discover we’ve been arguing to prove exactly the same point using different arguments. 

And we learn. We learn about each other, we learn about ourselves too. At least, I do. Can’t speak for someone else. We forgive. 

In the end, we come out stronger. 

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5 Comments

Posted by on September 7, 2014 in ADHD and relationships, Relationships

 

5 responses to “We fight, we make up….

  1. Lisa Sommario Dembosz

    September 7, 2014 at 8:32 pm

    Completely Agree . It is not only healthy – it is needed . I don’t trust the “lovey dovey all is perfect’ types

     
  2. Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, MCC, SCAC

    September 11, 2014 at 9:41 pm

    Harville Hendricks & wife wrote a spate of very useful “self-help” books with, IMHO, very fluffy titles like Finding the Love you Need, Keeping the Love you Find (etc.)

    The founder of Imago Therapy, his theory is that we attract and respond emotionally to EXACTLY who we need to work out childhood wounding – and that we “sandpaper” each other to grow. He asserts that we can leave the partner, but not the dynamic.

    Has been MY experience, no matter how different the men I’ve been involved with throughout my life. (Also makes me feel better about my observation that I always seem to stay far too long before hitting the eject button.)

    xx,
    mgh
    Madelyn Griffith-Haynie – ADDandSoMuchMore dot com
    – ADD Coach Training Field founder; ADD Coaching co-founder –
    “It takes a village to transform a world!”

     
    • busydarling

      September 14, 2014 at 4:32 pm

      See, it’s also an option to work through most of your childhood wounding before entering a relationship like this. That way, you’re enabling yourself to exit the circle and make new patterns.

       
      • Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, MCC, SCAC

        September 14, 2014 at 10:45 pm

        Ideal – but there is always more — even with those of us who have lived extremely examined lives and worked hard on ourselves.

        If we can hold on to the “sandpaper” idea when we are in the middle of a conversation where buttons have been pushed, I think murder is less likely ::lol::
        xx, mgh

         
      • busydarling

        September 15, 2014 at 5:25 am

        Perhaps. Although, sometimes it’s really about working out how to do things together.
        Like the time we both tried to put things in the dishwasher, automatically just like our mothers told us, only problem is we have very different mothers…. Kind of funny, really.

         

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