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I’m somebody’s mother….

I’m somebody’s mother….

… It’s very real!

Busy Baby (BB) was born on March 5. She was born at home, she came too quickly for us to make it to the hospital. Or, we weren’t willing to try and make it as I was 9cm dilated when the midwife came. I’m forever grateful for my midwife!! 

  
Having BB was the hardest thing I have ever done. She’s 6 weeks old tomorrow. And yes, I do love her. She’s doing well and I am recovering like a champ. The reality of being a new mother isn’t something anyone could have ever prepared me for. Pregnancy and childbirth -even an unmedicated birth like mine- are the easy part. 

At first it’s surreal. And painful. They put her on me and left her there till after she nursed. My head couldn’t wrap itself around it: this pink slippery thing, covered in vernix, amniotic fluid and a bit of my blood was my daughter. The pain was worst on the second day: muscles hurt, I had 4 stitches in my underworld (given my push time of 12 minutes for a first baby it could have been so much worse)… And my pelvic floor was both useless and painful. It took me a few days to be able to walk down the stairs! 

We had a postpartum nurse. That’s one of the best parts of Dutch maternity care: you get a nurse for 8 days post partum, who is at your house for 6 hours a day. She was lovely. And she took good care of us, and taught us stuff about BB without being pushy. 

Still. Between hormones (Hello Baby Blues) and adjusting to having a newborn who is completely dependent upon you… I cried about every other day. There were times when I just wanted to leave. Or throw her in the bin almost. It was almost too much for me to bear. I felt trapped: all I did was mother this little monster. Remember, I am used to working hard. And here I was, nursing and doing nothing else. It got better after I got sick when she was 3 weeks old. I was so scared that she would get sick too. Breast milk protected her. I started feeling that motherly love then. 

Don’t worry. She still drives me nuts ever so often. I don’t know how she knows to start crying just as I want to get something to eat. Or how it’s even possible that she wants to be held the entire day. 

I don’t think anyone can prepare you for the reality of breastfeeding. It was hell in the beginning. I was crying from the pain, and everyone has something to say. It got better. Mostly it’s easier than formula. Just whip out a boob and baby is happy. 

I didn’t expect to be closer to my mum after having a baby. She’s the only one who could relate to my breastfeeding issues. That, and she’s in love with BB. Of course, BB already knows to behave with her grandma and saves her drama for us. 

TDH is a fantastic father. I can’t imagine doing this without him. He bathes her, takes care of her when I want to go out or simply because he’s her dad. He changes nappies, talks to her, plays with her and feeds her bottles of pumped milk. 

Nobody really warned me about the confusion associated with the various parenting maffias. I just want to know how to get something done. I don’t believe there is a ‘best’ way for most things. It started when I emailed the breastfeeding centre to ask about a pump… And getting a telling off as a response: not supposed to pump in the first six weeks, and if it’s necessary I need to rent a hospital grade pump. Oh glory. It won’t end any time soon. It’s impossible to find straight forward information on anything. And I simply don’t have the patience to do hour long searches on dummies or deal with people who are shocked that I give her 100ml in a bottle if she’s that hungry. 

Oh. I also didn’t fully realise what a post partum body would be like. I knew, I am a doctor. But never during the phase of “yay no periods for 9 months” did I realise I’d have a period for 6 weeks to make up for that. Or, how painful ill-fitting bras can be in the early weeks of breastfeeding…. And how impossible it is to find comfortable ones if you ended up with a 32H… Or how you still don’t fit in normal clothes…. Despite looking like you should. Oh. Did I mention there’s milk coming out of my boobs? And I am hungry all the time? 

It’s as if I am only fully ‘grown up’ after having BB. It has changed me. As if it’s in my nature as a woman to be a mother. If that makes sense. 

Little BB, TDH and I are figuring out this whole thing.  For the past 6 weeks I only thought ‘never again’. But we survived, and who knows, we might even be stupid enough to do it again. 

 
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Posted by on April 15, 2016 in Busy Baby, Random, Relationships

 

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Surprise!

Surprise!

We went to Croatia for a holiday and it was lovely. Just a week, but we saw so much! We went to Split, stayed in Podstrana, went to the Krka national park and went diving at Vela Luka. 

   
    
    
 
While diving we had a photographer with us, who at some point insisted he wanted to take photos of us. (Might add them later). After that the dive master showed us a clam. TDH kneeled and picked it up. 

I gestured he should put it down. 

He started opening it. 

I started fervently gesturing and screaming through my regulator. I didn’t want the clam to die! 

He showed that opened clam to me. 

I thought: do you really want me to watch it die?

I hesitantly looked. 

There was a ring in it. 

I nodded and signalled OK! 

We’re engaged!

The ring wasn’t the real ring. It was the one he practiced on. 

The what?

TDH went to ask my parents three months earlier, and went to my parents place every week to make the ring himself. My mum’s a goldsmith. 

He never did anything like this before. 

Definitely yes. 

   
 

 

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No kisses for me!

No kisses for me!

TDH is on his man trip with his soon to be brother in law. So this week, no kisses for me. 

I am intending to thoroughly enjoy the freedom. As I am typing this on my phone I am having dinner and watching Pride and Prejudice on the BBC. I did not take my afternoon dose of whatnot and ended up getting in the wrong tram while thinking of this post, lipstick, and how good I felt off the meds… And ironically how well I seemed to be doing 

My plan for this evening was to do some beauty stuff. Scrubbing, facial etc. 

No, we don’t do it for the men, obviously. The man is in Norway, solving a problem about a pocket knife.

While at the drug store I decided to treat myself to lipstick, it was on sale and because I have nobody around to complain about lipstick kisses, I went for it. 

  
I couldn’t wait to try them!

In order of brightness:

Maybelline Super Stay 24 color in “340 Absolute Plum”. The most serious of the lot.  

 

I decided to go pink. It wasn’t as bright as I hoped but it works well. Maybelline Super Stay 14hr lipstick in “190 Persistently Pink”.  

 

And last, but not least: L’Oreal something long lasting in “701 Captivated by Cerise”

  
A girl can never have to much lipstick I think. 

And did people really speak so difficult in the time of Pride and Prejudice?

 
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Posted by on April 28, 2015 in ADHD, Random, Relationships

 

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We fight, we make up….

Show me a couple who never fights…. 

There’s a thing called ‘healthy’ fighting I believe. Arguing is a better word, because physical violence is never OK. It’s all part of simply being two different people in one relationship. You live, you learn, you fight, you make up…. you learn. 

We both have a dash of temperament. (I don’t think we’ll have the most mellow of kids. If that were the case I’d request a DNA test!)

We always sort it out though. I’d love to have a rule ‘do not go to bed angry’ but TDH needs more mood-processing time than I do. 

Nope, it’s not true that men are always the ones to get over it sooner. I know the stereotype says she is mad at him for days for something he didn’t really ‘get’… with us it’s the other way round. 

Sometimes we annoy each other, sometimes we push each other over their limits, sometimes we don’t talk when we should (mainly TDH), sometimes we talk when we shouldn’t (mainly BD)… I’ve smashed my phone (ok, accidentally, I missed the sofa when throwing it on the sofa) when we fought over Whatsapp. He’s been angry at me for three days (and I really can’t remember what it was about). I’ve tried leaving at 2:30 AM, he had to stop me. He’s threatened to leave me behind at the train station. I’ve hung op the phone on him. He’s refused to accept the eco foods crate I ordered for him. (Because of something to do with wallpaper). 

But we always make up. Sometimes I’m the one saying sorry, sometimes it’s him, sometimes it’s both, sometimes we discover we’ve been arguing to prove exactly the same point using different arguments. 

And we learn. We learn about each other, we learn about ourselves too. At least, I do. Can’t speak for someone else. We forgive. 

In the end, we come out stronger. 

 
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Posted by on September 7, 2014 in ADHD and relationships, Relationships

 

In other news… Moving In Together!

I’ll be doing a new theme on this blog: relationship(s) and adult ADHD. My aim of this blog still is to give a reflection of my life, me and my ADHD. You could say it’s an ADHD ‘lifestyle’ blog but what bothers me is that a lifestyle is something that you choose. ADHD is not something I chose, it’s just the way I’m wired. If 90% of the people were wired that way, this blog would have no reason to exist as it is. But given the fact that 95-99% of people are NOT wired this way, it makes things a bit more, er, interesting. I enjoy writing, and I hope people enjoy reading. I even have a small bit of hope that it can mean a bit more sometimes. 

As you all know, I’m in a long term relationship with Mr Tall, Dark and Handsome, aka TDH. Things are going well between us. Really well. He’s my pull and I’m his push, except early in the morning when I can not be moved in any direction at all. We love each other. 

We will be moving in together. A massive step. 

He must be nuts to want to live with me. Seriously. This blog isn’t called ‘A Devastatingly Heavenly Darling’ for nothing. 

This is going to be a very exciting time, possibly somewhat trying every now and again. 

A period in which I think we both will learn a lot, about each other, about ourselves, about simply making it work. 

We’re not going into this as a ‘test run’ to ‘see if it works out’. We’re committed to each other, and we’re both motivated to see how it works out. Look, every relationship may fail, even after many years. The plan is not to let it fail, the plan is to let it work and to have an amazing life together. We are figuring out how to do that. So far, so good. 

We’re both new to this, but so far we’ve learned that it’s important to keep communicating… and as Kelly Flaningan points out in his Marriage Manifesto, it’s not about our own selfish needs. It’s about us, it’s about loving the other. It’s about, you know, being a couple.

I’m a big girl, I can take care of myself. I can live without TDH. 

But I don’t want to. I want to be with him. 

He makes me so much better, he says I do the same to him. Life is just so much better when we’re together. Even if it’s not always like that. 

I mean, he still won’t let me paint every room a different colour… and I still won’t let him hang his ‘portal’ canvas in the living room. (No, darling, REALLY…)

 

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