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Pregnancy and ADHD…

You know that thing called pregnancy brain? You know that thing called ADHD?

In general, my state is the love child of the two of them. I feel hazy most of the time. I lose time, not knowing where it went and what I did with it. I forget things. I have trouble getting anything significant done. I am distracted.

And my hyperactivity is nowhere to be found. I feel hazy and a bit lethargic. I’m more tired than usual, I suppose that’s part of the why.

Class is a nightmare. I spend the day just trying to not fall asleep or fall off my chair. I can’t focus one bit.  Their way of educating me is still not a way in which I can learn… and I leave with muscle aches and a horrible mood.

I mean, I don’t want to complain too much and generally my mood is good, but there’s just this one part that is frustrating.

Next time I’m going to make sure to enter pregnancy with a better level of physical fitness.

Next time I’m going to have more of a plan set up before hand. Hah. Hah. Hah.

Next time I probably won’t be working irregular shifts though, that will help a lot.

Irregular shifts don’t help me at all, despite not doing nights. Having to plan every single day doesn’t work for me. I need some sort of structure in my week, so I can spend my scarce mental focus doing more important things than figuring out how and when I’m going to get my exercise in this week, for example, because most of my options are screwed over because of work.

 
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Posted by on November 23, 2015 in ADHD, ADHD in women, adult ADHD, Busy Baby, Work

 

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A Supergirl!

A Supergirl!

The Busy Baby is a girl. 

Daddy’s little princess and mum’s supergirl. 

I’m having a little girl. I’m thrilled. Not that I wouldn’t have liked a boy too, but it’s a girl and I am happy about it. Then I realised what a responsibility raising a girl is. I think many people think of girls as soft and pink and sweet (have you seen baby stores and even toy stores?). Thing is: I know better. This little lady will look at me to see what being a woman is. She will come into a world where she is still told -more than boys- to be the princess. It’s up to us to teach her that princesses grow up to be queens, and that boys play super heroes but girls can be super heroes. And also that she doesn’t have to be a super hero. It also means I have to model healthy womanhood to her, despite my history of anorexia and other stuff. I don’t want her to have to go through that. I can feel her ‘presence’, sort of how you know someone is in the room without looking. I think she’s a strong one. Raising a strong girl is going to be a tough but rewarding task. 

  
I bought her her first skirt, because I felt like I had to. Everyone else will be dressing my child for the first 6 months or so! It’s dark grey with bright flowers and she won’t fit it as a newborn. Skirts and dresses are fun! I was a but disappointed in Dutch brand Lief! They used to sell pink baby clothes that said ‘lief!’ (sweet) on them for girls and ‘stoer’ (tough) for boys in bright light blue. They no longer have them. From the moment I first saw them, I wanted to dress my future baby girl in a ‘stoer’ shirt. Because girls are tough and because it’s fun. 

Announcing the gender to the future grandparents was fun. We had a get together with both sets and I made very very pink cupcakes that were white on the outside. (I forgot to take a pic of them!) I had to search the entire city for food colouring because essentially the Dutch don’t know how to kitchen. When I found it I went for light pink but it was a tad stronger than I thought so I ended up with raspberry pink cupcakes and a small cake (recipe was enough for a small cake, it said…). Anyhow. My mum was harassing me about the gender since we had the sonogram and begged for a cupcake all the way to TDH’s parents’ place. She was so disappointed when I finally unpacked white cupcakes!  Everyone was excited to discover that she’s a girl. Not that everyone needed a pink and white cupcake to know the gender: TDH’s mum had already bought a girls’ romper suit!
And this is me at 20 weeks.  

 

 
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Posted by on October 30, 2015 in Busy Baby

 

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The busy baby…

The busy baby…

 I 
I must say. Busy Baby is definitely living up to his/her name so far. I could feel kicks just before 18 weeks and that is with the placenta lying in front. I mostly feel side kicks! I’m 19 weeks today. 

Baby was moving throughout all 3 sonograms. 

We had the 20 week scan yesterday. Everything looked fine. Baby even fist bumped the probe! 

  
We know the gender but aren’t revealing yet. It’s hard not to put the proper preposition in place here!!!

I’m really excited!! 

 
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Posted by on October 17, 2015 in ADHD in women, Busy Baby

 

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10 things I hate about pregnancy….

1) boob pain. Don’t listen to pregnancy books that say it gets better in second trimester. They’ve been feeling like TDH used them as punching bags since the 3rd week. I’m at 18 now. 

2) I’m going blonde. My natural colour is indecisive and I had been looking forward to my hair turning darker during pregnancy like my mums did. It’s not. It’s turning lighter. Even my precious dark eyebrows are lighter. I hate how soft it makes me look. I’m really disappointed!

3) Having to work on the ED while pregnant. Irregular shifts, messed up sleep, chaos, and when do I get to eat??

4) I feel like an anonymous wall flower with my ash blond hair and lack of style. Everything fits oddly, I feel like it’s hardly worth investing in cool stuff for a few months and none of my old clothes fit. I really don’t feel pretty at all. 

5) I am bigger than I have ever been in my life. I don’t feel comfortable in my pregnant body and can’t wait to get my body back. And I still have over half of the pregnancy left.  Yes, it’s special to grow a tiny human inside me,  but at some point it’s also great to do stuff like sleep on your back and bend over comfortably. 

6) Heartburn. Especially when you find yourself on the sofa in the living room at 5 in the morning, trying to sleep upright after 5 Rennies didn’t work…. Listening to the traffic, the central heating and your helpful pet rat. 

7) That thing where my head is even less functional than normally. I’m barely functioning. I had a brilliant point to add to this 5 minutes ago…

8) I changed my mind about being happy about a winter pregnancy. Give me summer! I half expected to be warmer than usual because many pregnant women are. Not me. Still freezing just as much! And staying warm is a challenge if you don’t fit anything!

9) fatigue. Nope. Not exactly bouncing with energy here and I need a lot of sleep. I struggle to function on the amount of sleep I normally need!

10) Waiting. Waiting for the ultrasound, waiting for progress, waiting for baby to arrive. Hurry up, little one!

 
 

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So here we go, then.

June 8, 2015

We decided to ‘go for it’ about a month ago, perhaps a bit more. I think TDH was very decisive on it about a week after I told one of my best friends I wanted to get pregnant accidentally because I couldn’t imagine planning for something like that.

So here I am, planning for it.

TDH did not make the decision alone, of course.

It’s all really exciting, and somewhat scary.

I’m going to go off meds somehow, and considering it may just as well be sooner rather than later, I decided to ‘practice’ going on without it. I’ve had varying results, let’s just leave it at that.

I’m going to see a gynaecologist this week about the meds and a possible pregnancy. An option would be Effexor, except I don’t see how that should work for me given my sometimes scary results on antidepressants. And I don’t see how I’d want the baby’s first experience in life to be coming off one of the hardest antidepressants to come off of. Poor kid!

I’m taking folic acid and vitamin D, I’m eating more fruit and I’m not worrying about a kilo or two I may have gained for no real reason apart form bad choices: baby food!

We’ve sort of already stopped using contraception, but I’m not pregnant because I just had my period.

I want to talk about it all the time, but at the same time I want it to be a secret. (So I’m drafting this, posting it only AFTER announcing a pregnancy!)

 

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Motherhood impending….

I’m 11w3 days today. Sitting in the passenger seat of Padda while TDH is driving us home from his parents. We had his sister’s bachelorette party and her fiancé’ bachelors party yesterday. 

Bachelorette parties that include cocktail workshops are a bit different without alcohol. After all, a virgin cocktail is essentially a fancy fruit juice. The irony being that the reason why I need a virgin cocktail has everything to do with not being a virgin. I should have had a Virgin Mary….

I’m really grateful that TDH is driving. Fatigue and being off meds make an hour and a half a long time to be focusing on driving. I’m slowly doing better in the fatigue department and I’m past the morning sickness. Apparently the placenta will take over in the next week or so and I can look forward to the next stage of pregnancy. 

I must say I was struggling over the past weeks. I tend to ‘forget’ that when I do manage to get stuff done. I was dead tired and my head was either exploding or very foggy. Doesn’t help with uni, doesn’t help with something TDH wanted me to do that cost some focus. Rather frustrating. I was too tired to get my limited focus ability to function. 

My mood is generally good despite the struggles, and I don’t think I am more emotional than normally but perhaps TDH is a better judge of that. 

I think I am starting to show a tiny bit. I had a tiny tummy! 

Sometimes I worry a bit that Baby may not be OK… At some point I remembered my grandma and realised: this is never going to end. Better learn to deal with it! 

It’s all part of impending motherhood. 

 
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Posted by on August 23, 2015 in ADHD, ADHD in women, adult ADHD, Busy Baby

 

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Busy baby due March 10!!

Busy baby due March 10!!

Yesterday marked week 10 of my pregnancy. I decided to blog about it because I couldn’t find much about ADHD and pregnancy so why not do something about it. 

Yes, I really am pregnant. It happened a little sooner than expected. Of course it did. My impulsive nature may or may not have something to do with it. Result: I won’t be going to my cousin’s wedding in South Africa. I will miss a chance to see my family again. 

So far I am doing well I think. Tired. Very tired. I have a cold now but the nausea has lessened. 

I went to the gynaecologist beforehand to talk about meds. Essentially I had to stop taking concerta by the end of the first trimester and I will be followed by a gyn (or rather a few different registrars) because of it. In the end I fell pregnant during my vacation off meds. I never really started back on them except for a few tablets for school. 

I’m definitely more ADHD although I am often too tired for the ‘H’. 

We found out a week after the engagement. 

Had a first sonogram last week. Really strange to see this tiny baby thing inside of me. He or she was moving! Or it’s my imagination. But I saw movement. And the heartbeat! 

TDH and I and the rest of the family are really happy. 

I’m going to talk again later as my eyelids are getting really heavy….

 

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