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Third Trimester

So we’ve reached 33 weeks of pregnancy. I’m 13 kilo’s heavier, tire halfway through what I’d normally be able to do, and can still wear my engagement ring. I’d want to post more often, but work and everything, you know.

The ring, by the way, is not entirely accurate any more. TDH and I got married on January 5th, without a wedding. We went to the town hall (of another town) at 9:15 in the morning, me wearing a black pregnancy number, and got married for free. Don’t worry, there will be a party. I suppose that makes me Mrs Darling-Dark Handsome. I didn’t think that one through when I came up with the nicknames.

The Busy Baby is still alive and kicking and growing so fast now. She’s head down and tends to drop in, only to un-drop a few days later. You’d think I’d have some extra space when she drops… but you haven’t met my daughter. Whenever there is some extra space, she uses it to stretch her little legs a bit. I’m pretty sure she has my endless legs!

My maternity leave starts in a week and I am looking forward to it. Work is getting exhausting and I am beginning to feel out of place. I just want to go home and make our little nest. Our messy home is irritating me, and I want to search for the ‘perfect’ stuff for my little lady. Baby’s room isn’t really done yet, but we have a bed so that counts. We also have about 100 nappies… all gifted. I didn’t think this part of pregnancy would actually happen to me!

Otherwise I am doing well. The midwife was surprised to see how well I was holding up, given my history, she even called me a ‘power lady’. Perhaps I am just good at this, perhaps I have been through enough to be able to handle this. Perhaps you really do come out stronger? My mood is actually stable and in general I feel good. Some things are actually better now than during my second trimester: I am only doing day shifts which has a great effect on my sleep quality and my alertness, I am actually feeling some of my familiar restlessness again. I’m walking easier now, I suppose my stretchy joints and muscles gave their problems early enough in pregnancy to allow for my body and my muscles to adapt and get stronger. Even my reflux isn’t as bad as it was.

Of course, some things are worse than they were: my belly is pretty big! The floor is getting further away every day and that doesn’t combine too well with pregnancy related clumsiness! Seriously, I’ve dropped my phone perhaps once or twice before pregnancy. Now it gets dropped about daily! Shoes are getting harder to put on too… And sleeping is sometimes a bit challenging. I wake up several times each night, but so far so good.

Another up side of pregnancy: most pregnant women suffer from pregnancy brain…. with me I’m not sure if it’s pregnancy or ADHD but it’s not worse than I normally am! Except people can’t tell the difference and for once in my life I am ‘normal’! (And that strong nesting drive is sort of helping me focus…)

TDH is being very caring, but impatient for his little princess to arrive. He is, like many dads, worrying about money and providing. He wants his business to thrive so he can provide. It’s just very interesting to see how this works: the initial plan was for me to provide and him to be the primary caregiver, but as it is at the moment we’ll be working equal hours. He is also very much in love with BB’s crib mobile… but doesn’t understand my drive to want to make everything pretty.

That drive is rather simple. Style and creativity is a part of who I am, and I don’t feel like myself in all of this. I know motherhood changes you, but I want to make things look good, and I want to look good and I want to make the baby look good because it makes me feel more ‘home’. I need that ‘X factor’. I miss that part of me. And the mismatching nappy bag and pram irritates me.

 

 

 
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Posted by on January 23, 2016 in ADHD in women, adult ADHD, Busy Baby, Health

 

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Pram perils and other preparations

Pram perils and other preparations

Third trimester is here, which means Busy Baby is growing fast and the due date is no longer a vague distant future thing. I’m 28 weeks today and I want to have everything ready before 38 weeks, given the family history of fast baking ovens. The little lady is alive and very much kicking. It’s going to be weird to have my belly stay in one place again!

TDH and I are starting to prepare for things. We’ve been doing so for a few weeks, taking things easy. The nursery is painted, we’ve received and borrowed a bunch of baby stuff and bought a few things. The nursery may be painted, but actually it’s still filled with the sofa and TDH’s computer. The sofa can only get out of there once we removed the old sofa from the living room, which we will do as soon as we figured out where to make a play area for the pet rat. The rat hangs out on the old sofa… Life is complicated. 

Another complicated thing is the combination of our house and getting in and out and around with a mini me. I don’t think I ever sketched our situation! We live in one of the bigger cities of the country, in a ‘bovenwoning’ built in the 1930s. Essentially this comes down to an apartment on the 2nd floor with no lift. Instead, we have a charming set of stone stairs leading to the front door of our and 3 neighbours’ front doors. Behind our front door we have a tiny (80cm wide!) hall and another set of narrow stairs, leading to the rest of our home. I’ll get to the rest of that later.  We decided to tackle this combining a lightweight, compact travel system and baby wearing. 

I still haven’t decided how to go about the baby wearing, given how expensive proper ergonomic stuff is. The pram, however, is finally sorted out. We needed something compact and lightweight with a carry cot that can easily be removed. Oh, and not too expensive. Regardless of the space in our house and the boot of our Nissan Micra, a wide pram is impractical in European cities. 

So we looked up stuff about prams, drove to two large baby stores and tried out a few dozen prams. The idea was to buy second hand. We had one winner, and one runner up. The winner was the Maxi Cosi Stella, at some point I even used it to compare the others to. The runner up was an X-adventure pram which I couldn’t find online really. 

So we set out to get a second hand Stella. 

And discovered that we fell in love with the newest, fresh off the press model. (Two weeks ago a sales lady told me the red one was already sold out…). It also happens to cost 750 euros. Which is too much for something you’re going to use far less than average because it still is far easier to tie the baby to your body than it is to dismantle and reassemble the pram every time you leave or come home. I know you can use the pram till they’re at least 2, but a lightweight stroller makes far more sense for us! I don’t mind an investment, but it has to make sense!

TDH found brand new discontinued Maxi Cosi prams online. We thought about it, weighed the pros and cons, and ordered the Maxi Cosy Streety Plus. (As a gift from the Handsome grandparents for Busy Baby!) It is a discontinued model, and we got it for the same price we would pay for a second hand one. It was a bit scary: you don’t really know what you’re getting!

It arrived yesterday. 

   
 
It’s red!

And I am pretty excited about it. It’s actually pretty comparable to the Stella in functionality. The Stella is a bit prettier, lighter and probably has better wheels (which are still available) but we can buy at least 3 Streetys for the price of one Stella and it’s almost as good as the Stella. We tested the Streety on the pavement. I could easily get it up and down the stairs, and push it around. Kerbs were no issue. I even tested it in the house, it’s promising for shops when we actually use it. Let’s just hope it lasts!

 
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Posted by on December 19, 2015 in Busy Baby

 

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Pregnancy and ADHD…

You know that thing called pregnancy brain? You know that thing called ADHD?

In general, my state is the love child of the two of them. I feel hazy most of the time. I lose time, not knowing where it went and what I did with it. I forget things. I have trouble getting anything significant done. I am distracted.

And my hyperactivity is nowhere to be found. I feel hazy and a bit lethargic. I’m more tired than usual, I suppose that’s part of the why.

Class is a nightmare. I spend the day just trying to not fall asleep or fall off my chair. I can’t focus one bit.  Their way of educating me is still not a way in which I can learn… and I leave with muscle aches and a horrible mood.

I mean, I don’t want to complain too much and generally my mood is good, but there’s just this one part that is frustrating.

Next time I’m going to make sure to enter pregnancy with a better level of physical fitness.

Next time I’m going to have more of a plan set up before hand. Hah. Hah. Hah.

Next time I probably won’t be working irregular shifts though, that will help a lot.

Irregular shifts don’t help me at all, despite not doing nights. Having to plan every single day doesn’t work for me. I need some sort of structure in my week, so I can spend my scarce mental focus doing more important things than figuring out how and when I’m going to get my exercise in this week, for example, because most of my options are screwed over because of work.

 
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Posted by on November 23, 2015 in ADHD, ADHD in women, adult ADHD, Busy Baby, Work

 

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A Supergirl!

A Supergirl!

The Busy Baby is a girl. 

Daddy’s little princess and mum’s supergirl. 

I’m having a little girl. I’m thrilled. Not that I wouldn’t have liked a boy too, but it’s a girl and I am happy about it. Then I realised what a responsibility raising a girl is. I think many people think of girls as soft and pink and sweet (have you seen baby stores and even toy stores?). Thing is: I know better. This little lady will look at me to see what being a woman is. She will come into a world where she is still told -more than boys- to be the princess. It’s up to us to teach her that princesses grow up to be queens, and that boys play super heroes but girls can be super heroes. And also that she doesn’t have to be a super hero. It also means I have to model healthy womanhood to her, despite my history of anorexia and other stuff. I don’t want her to have to go through that. I can feel her ‘presence’, sort of how you know someone is in the room without looking. I think she’s a strong one. Raising a strong girl is going to be a tough but rewarding task. 

  
I bought her her first skirt, because I felt like I had to. Everyone else will be dressing my child for the first 6 months or so! It’s dark grey with bright flowers and she won’t fit it as a newborn. Skirts and dresses are fun! I was a but disappointed in Dutch brand Lief! They used to sell pink baby clothes that said ‘lief!’ (sweet) on them for girls and ‘stoer’ (tough) for boys in bright light blue. They no longer have them. From the moment I first saw them, I wanted to dress my future baby girl in a ‘stoer’ shirt. Because girls are tough and because it’s fun. 

Announcing the gender to the future grandparents was fun. We had a get together with both sets and I made very very pink cupcakes that were white on the outside. (I forgot to take a pic of them!) I had to search the entire city for food colouring because essentially the Dutch don’t know how to kitchen. When I found it I went for light pink but it was a tad stronger than I thought so I ended up with raspberry pink cupcakes and a small cake (recipe was enough for a small cake, it said…). Anyhow. My mum was harassing me about the gender since we had the sonogram and begged for a cupcake all the way to TDH’s parents’ place. She was so disappointed when I finally unpacked white cupcakes!  Everyone was excited to discover that she’s a girl. Not that everyone needed a pink and white cupcake to know the gender: TDH’s mum had already bought a girls’ romper suit!
And this is me at 20 weeks.  

 

 
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Posted by on October 30, 2015 in Busy Baby

 

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The busy baby…

The busy baby…

 I 
I must say. Busy Baby is definitely living up to his/her name so far. I could feel kicks just before 18 weeks and that is with the placenta lying in front. I mostly feel side kicks! I’m 19 weeks today. 

Baby was moving throughout all 3 sonograms. 

We had the 20 week scan yesterday. Everything looked fine. Baby even fist bumped the probe! 

  
We know the gender but aren’t revealing yet. It’s hard not to put the proper preposition in place here!!!

I’m really excited!! 

 
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Posted by on October 17, 2015 in ADHD in women, Busy Baby

 

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10 things I hate about pregnancy….

1) boob pain. Don’t listen to pregnancy books that say it gets better in second trimester. They’ve been feeling like TDH used them as punching bags since the 3rd week. I’m at 18 now. 

2) I’m going blonde. My natural colour is indecisive and I had been looking forward to my hair turning darker during pregnancy like my mums did. It’s not. It’s turning lighter. Even my precious dark eyebrows are lighter. I hate how soft it makes me look. I’m really disappointed!

3) Having to work on the ED while pregnant. Irregular shifts, messed up sleep, chaos, and when do I get to eat??

4) I feel like an anonymous wall flower with my ash blond hair and lack of style. Everything fits oddly, I feel like it’s hardly worth investing in cool stuff for a few months and none of my old clothes fit. I really don’t feel pretty at all. 

5) I am bigger than I have ever been in my life. I don’t feel comfortable in my pregnant body and can’t wait to get my body back. And I still have over half of the pregnancy left.  Yes, it’s special to grow a tiny human inside me,  but at some point it’s also great to do stuff like sleep on your back and bend over comfortably. 

6) Heartburn. Especially when you find yourself on the sofa in the living room at 5 in the morning, trying to sleep upright after 5 Rennies didn’t work…. Listening to the traffic, the central heating and your helpful pet rat. 

7) That thing where my head is even less functional than normally. I’m barely functioning. I had a brilliant point to add to this 5 minutes ago…

8) I changed my mind about being happy about a winter pregnancy. Give me summer! I half expected to be warmer than usual because many pregnant women are. Not me. Still freezing just as much! And staying warm is a challenge if you don’t fit anything!

9) fatigue. Nope. Not exactly bouncing with energy here and I need a lot of sleep. I struggle to function on the amount of sleep I normally need!

10) Waiting. Waiting for the ultrasound, waiting for progress, waiting for baby to arrive. Hurry up, little one!

 
 

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So here we go, then.

June 8, 2015

We decided to ‘go for it’ about a month ago, perhaps a bit more. I think TDH was very decisive on it about a week after I told one of my best friends I wanted to get pregnant accidentally because I couldn’t imagine planning for something like that.

So here I am, planning for it.

TDH did not make the decision alone, of course.

It’s all really exciting, and somewhat scary.

I’m going to go off meds somehow, and considering it may just as well be sooner rather than later, I decided to ‘practice’ going on without it. I’ve had varying results, let’s just leave it at that.

I’m going to see a gynaecologist this week about the meds and a possible pregnancy. An option would be Effexor, except I don’t see how that should work for me given my sometimes scary results on antidepressants. And I don’t see how I’d want the baby’s first experience in life to be coming off one of the hardest antidepressants to come off of. Poor kid!

I’m taking folic acid and vitamin D, I’m eating more fruit and I’m not worrying about a kilo or two I may have gained for no real reason apart form bad choices: baby food!

We’ve sort of already stopped using contraception, but I’m not pregnant because I just had my period.

I want to talk about it all the time, but at the same time I want it to be a secret. (So I’m drafting this, posting it only AFTER announcing a pregnancy!)

 

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